I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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