Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
