I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
