WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize