I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
