My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
