so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
