I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We left the knife in your bed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
