Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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