Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize