Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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