We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
