There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Still dying that you shit outside
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
