I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
