so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
