Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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