just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
