we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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