So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
