it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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