Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
