I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
