i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
