I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
