ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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