Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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