Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
