Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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