this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
