Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize