a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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