She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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