Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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