I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
