So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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