Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
