her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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