i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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