it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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