I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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