You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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