I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
