so that wasnt chicken after all
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will be naked everywhere
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
