And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
