She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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