just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
