My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize