you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We just shotgunned beers for America
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry about my life...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
