im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
