So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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