I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
