I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
