He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
