We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize