i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
