Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize