I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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