Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
