remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
