Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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