i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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