So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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