omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
