guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
