im six kinds of drunk right now
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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