You smell like stripper and shame
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
