I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
