please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
