I have demons in me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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