I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
