I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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