is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
